Embrasing the Sarcasm

I almost wish I could change the title...ALMOST.  I have just been reflecting on me, like always.  I am egocentric to the point of narcissism.  It is a sin.  I know.  I am working on it.  And maybe it is not something you blog so the whole world can see.  But here is the thing.  I don't know who I am suppose to be.  Yes, I am in Christ.  Yes, I am called to love others.  Yes, I am a mother.  Yes, I am a Christian.  Yes, I am a wife.  Those are all so general that my puny little brain can not wrap itself around these too big, too general titles.  I THINK I know what I want to be, but for too many reasons that are ultimately not so important makes what I would truly desire not come to pass.  Then I hear the voices in my head... "You can do whatever your heart desires.  Reach for your dreams.  You can do the impossible."  All of that in some weird voice from a TV commercial advertising, oh I don't know, let's say the Olympics.  Any way, on top of that I don't even think thinking that way of thinking is Christian or Biblical so I DO know that much. 

So here is what I am trying to get at.  Delicate crafting, home decor, fashion, and even spreading inspirational words from God all those things that I have been trying to be or want to be- out the window.  I haven't even learned the art of socializing or empathy.  Not to say that I couldn't learn those things or that God couldn't help me in this area, but I need to find what works for me at this season of life.  Where am I gifted?  What can I do that is just sort of mine? But one thing I do have- sarcasm.  At least I think I do.  I am going to use it.  I need it to laugh because it is free.  I LOVE free. 

I just discovered 3 Things for Mom.  It is NOT an exclusively Christian mom centered blog, but it does have a great format- truth, tip, and find.  I have followed it from day one (it is pretty much brand new) and can see these women are put together, smart, have the means to be attractive, and are gifted in so many areas that I just wish I had one of those gifts.  But I have been given the gift of sarcasm and the challenge of the American form of poverty.  I don't have a smart phone, flat screen, or cable, my computer is well over 4 years old, my car is 20 years old- I could go on and on.  I am not complaining.  I am just pointing this out so you know where I am coming from.  If you are saying to yourself- "Well you could change all that if you REALLY wanted to."  Maybe I do, that is your opinion, or maybe this is an assignment from God.  I don't know.  I just have to get this out.  So I will be copying the format from 3 Things but in MY voice and reflection.  Yes, I am copying.  It is what I do because I am not original.  Here we go-next time, cause the baby just crawled on my lap.

Car

With great happiness I type that I got about 10 hours of sleep last night.  Lucy has been repeatedly waking up at night.  She could be teething or getting a cold in any case it is not fun.  It is especially not fun on school nights.  The other night I only slept for about 3 hours because I was too afraid that if I did fall back to sleep I would never be able to wake up again to take Hermione to school.  That day I knew was not going to be good any way because of the car.

Poor car!  It is dying a slow death.  The steering has gone bad and repairs will cost over 400.  But here is the improvement on the situation- I did not cry about it!  This may not seem like such a big deal to the rest of you but it is such a big deal for me.  I use to be emotional about things like this especially as a teenager.  It took me a long time to realize that something is ALWAYS going to break or be in the process of being fixed.  It use to throw my whole day off.  Although it did throw my whole day I didn't freak out and I felt God in control of the whole situation.  I was able to take full direction from my husband, which was completely freeing even though I am scared to death of all that money being put into this car.  Thank goodness for wonderful people around and the auto shop in walking distance.

So I guess we have no grocery money for the month, but hopefully a fixed car.  We will be living on buttered noodles and beans & rice though I did get our meat so we have about 3 meals worth of round steak.  I am counting down the days till next pay day.   What I am worried about most is running out of diapers!!!!  I feel like such a taker from all the kindness of others, which I am not afraid to admit I need but am starting to feel a little guilty.  Am I having a pity party?  Yeah, probably, but at least it isn't an emotional fit. 

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