Insert Big Breath and Let it Out Slowly

Between my oldest having some emotional problems at school (I have been called to pick her up for three school days in a row), the Internet being a little sketchy, having zero energy to deal with all the complaining, breaking the slow cooker, no concrete budget, and the car making a funny noise my anxiety levels have hit the limit.  This was just a week where I had to concentrate on me and my grown up responsibilities.  I ignored all the fighting, complaining, and mess.  I can't explain it exactly but I couldn't waste my energy or expectations on the kids or others for that matter. 

So I don't have any fun pictures this week and if I said the things I was thinking I would be in big trouble.  I keep taking deep breaths, trying to do one small thing at a time, not get discouraged, and cry out to God no matter how horrible I feel.  I can push through this set back.  I have a lot encouragement from other moms, blogs, and my husband. 

If you want to know what I DID do this week, it is a little more encouraging then it would at first appear.  I watched The Book Thief which I absolutely LOVED.  I cross stitched for about 2 hours.  I kept the kitchen clean.  I cleaned out the fridge.  I read the Bible at breakfast and dinner to the kids and I didn't care if they were listening or not, but I did it.  And  my three year old called me beautiful and  put her hands on my face and said, "Aren't you so proud of me?  I can go potty by myself, ride my bike, and swing!!!"  Now I know it was worth it.   

Easter- A week of Finishing and New Beginnings

Lententide is over but Easter has just begun.  It is slightly bitter sweet but also I feel very accomplished.  I finished my photo project, two books, and renewed my prayer life.  What grace I was able to receive!  I messed up- a lot.  There were many days when I wondered why I was even trying and why I had tried to make such a tough commitment.  I feel like I am better prepared for next year though.  Meals were a big, tough problem.  It was a much bigger problem then it should have been.  The sugar fast was kind of all over place.  I had too many health problems.  I was so selfish about my detox during spring break I let the housework go, which was very bad for my mental and spiritual health.

Darkness-

Hallelujah- 

  


Easter was exhausting fun.  Ariana said it was the best Easter ever!  Grandma helped get the girls ready for Resurrection Sunday.  I try to get them some new dresses every year, but this year it seemed a bit redundant because we had so many beautiful hand me downs.  Lucy got a new dress and a new hat.  I actually didn't feel bad about breaking my neck to set out fancy Easter baskets full of gifts for the girls.  We eat too much candy and my girls don't "really" need anything any way.  Turned out great because Grandma bought them plenty of gifts.  I was tired, but I am pretty much tired all the time- life of a mom I guess.

Easter Sunday Best

 

Egg Hunt Ready

Emerson

Malachi

Found one!

Ariana

Iris

Hermione

Ruby

Now is the beginnings part of my post!  I started a new devotional- The Heart of Praise.  I am looking forward to reading the Psalms.  I wish I had someone to share the journey with, but as with most things at my time in life is not allowing me much interaction with others.  Everyone is already so busy and I can't think of anyone willing to come a long with me.  Guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself- another thing to add to my prayer life.  I began a big chunk of gardening.  That felt great.  I am hoping for a good return on my investment.  It is hard to beat fresh tomatoes with basil pesto.  I put in some broccoli, blueberry bushes, beans, strawberries, lettuce, and some carrot seeds.  There is still so much to do!  God has been doing wonders with the weather.  I am a wimp when it comes to gardening in the rain and in Oregon specifically in the Willamette Valley this can be a real problem.  It has been sunny at all the right times and rained at all the right times.  Praise God! 

There isn't going to much of a break for me this month.  I was surprised to not have to baby-sit today because my charge is sick, but it was nice to have a break and get a nap.  Because of the gardening Lucy and I have been taking a preschool break, but I think we will do preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I have no idea what else is in store, but hoping for direction soon. 

Raw Honest Holy Week

But for the grace of God I made it through this week.  I didn't feel holy.  I didn't feel productive.  I didn't feel kind.  I didn't even feel very loving or patient.  It might have been because we were coming off of Spring Break and getting back to routine was harder than expected.  It might have been Satan at work- stirring the pot- breaking my spirit causing doubt and confussion.  It might have been plain old exhaustion.  Whatever it was- it made this week feel less than Holy.  It was not how I pictured it at all.  I feel like all I did was run errands and everyone was going to bed too late.  I was expecting too much again.  I was trying to do too much again, and let me tell you....it is not worth it.  I am telling it like it is and well I have to confess. 

I drank 3 Monsters, ate fast food, had so many treats I can't even count, haven't quite finished two books I was hoping to finish by Easter (technically still have a few hours on that one), yelled at the kids, and did very little house work.  Out of all this I still believe in God and in the power of Jesus' death.  I might not understand it perfectly, but I can not live without it.  That being said here is my week in pictures (Lent Project).

Simple Meal- Lenten cooking is a challenge especially when you are not sure of the family being on board or not.  I have a much better plan for next year though.  For this meal I made Tuna Helper (a meal all the family will eat), bread, green beans, and cherry tomatoes.  No, not homemade.  No, not very healthy, but simple.

My Prayer- Despite some disappointing things this week, my prayer life has been intense.  God has met me where I am and I am understanding things so differently.  God's judgements and seemly violent nature in the Old Testemant has become clearer to me than ever before.  Right now is not a post for theology or necessarily a well thought out understanding, but I just wanted to share the hope I have in Christ and a new prayer I want to pray for all nations and peoples to hear about the atonement, righteousness, and glorification in heaven.

Palms- Palm Sunday is not a big deal for service but it is a big deal for Sunday school.  We made some palms with paper.  I took cute pictures of the 3 year olds in my Sunday school class.  Here is Lucy with her best friend Madison.

Passion- My passion is my family- especially traditons.  It is what is sometimes also the death of me as I go out of my way, spend way too much time and money on things that I don't know are making a difference, and just often feel deflated when the experience is over.  But I found this book last year at a used book store and thought- maybe...  We did do a few of the things but there were a lot of things my family is not ready for yet.  Praying that my craziness does not turn my children away from God!  I big fear of mine. 

Humility- I have been on my knees a lot this week- gardening, wiping little bottoms, cleaning up spills (and accidents), and in prayer.

Garden- Speaking of gardening...I just started a few things better already ahead of last year so that is good.

Bread- a simple home communion bread made last minute.

   


Cross- I came up with this idea after seeing something similar on a homemaking website but much more fancy.  It kinda distracted me too.  I only intended to make maybe three and then maybe one for each of my kids and then it turned into making one for all the cousins and those of us spending Easter together.  I made a huge mess, but it was beautiful.  I have high hopes to bring these out every year. 

PASSOVER- After all the cooking this was really relaxing and fun.  Eating with family, recounting God's redemption, and just loving this tradition.  I only took two pictures, but I wish I had taken a piture of Hermione trying the horseradish- it was priceless!  She kept silent, turnned red, looked like she was going to choke, and I just kept giggling.  Hermione also read one of the four questions.  I was so proud of her.  Ariana sang Dayenu really loud which was adorable.  Ruby and Ariana continually washed there hands in the lemon water and Lucy slept through the whole thing.  Plus lamb is delicious by the way.  It was so fun!

 

This Saturday Grandma Cheri is taking the kids for the night and boy am I ever grateful.  I didn't reall think I needed a break but now I know for sure that I do!  Praise God for knowing exactly what I need and providinng.  I have all the girls dresses ready so now I have to take care of me.  I hope you have a wonderful Easter/Resurrection Sunday with your family.  I can't wait to see pictures of girls in spring dresses and handsome boys in suits.  Don't forget to greet your brothers and sisters with "Christ is Risen!"  Peace out!

Lent Playlist

Just a Quick Note

I was afraid this was going to happen.  I do not have time for a regular update today!!  Booo!  But I will try tomorrow, still can't make promises though.  We are preparing for Seder Passover over here.  My kitchen is a mess.  My hands are still covered in some kind of gritty sugar/flour paste.  I still have a butch of vegetables to chop up and I have been holding off going to the bathroom for the past 20 minutes at least.  I am so excited!  I love Passover.  I have mixed feelings about celebrating it as a Christian.  It would be more appropriate to observe it with a Jewish family in context because Jesus' Passover would not have been "exactly" like the one we observe.  But so many of the rituals point to Christ it is hard to feel like I should be bound by certain rules for celebrating it.  I don't know if what we do offends Jews or belittles communion.  I don't "feel"  bad but I would like to be respectful of this ceremony.  It would be fun to go to a Jewish Passover Seder or one in Israel.  Any way I am so busy and can't wait to update on Holy Week.  Have a Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday especially if I am not able to update till next week.