I FINALLY finished another challenge. I had NO idea this one would be so hard. I had to restart this one at least 4 times BUT I DID IT! I had originally started this challenge in December which was already challenging with Christmas coming up but I thought it would look so pretty and colorful to take pictures of my Christmas place mats and post them on Facebook and I really thought that it would help me stay accountable but NOPE. I got way too busy an it was just super easy not to eat breakfast. It is not that I don't like breakfast- I actually love breakfast and food in general but I am also rarely hungry first thing in the morning and I have hardly ever had breakfast on Sundays. My body is not use to eating breakfast on Sunday at all. I get queasy and feel ill when I eat breakfast on Sundays. I think this started ever since I was a little girl. Sunday was for getting ready to go to church and only if you were ready on time you might be able to grab a bowl of cereal, but again that was rare. So now I am just use to it. Add to the fact that I am teaching Sunday school and it just makes me nervous even though it probably shouldn't but it does. Any way, you will see the pattern of eating here and you will see my preferred foods. I tried to add some reading material but I got so busy during the last weeks of school that sometimes I just barely made this. Also when I retried this challenge in January and February my youngest daughter was JUST diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes so that caused me to be mentally strained at meal time. I had a lot to process and eating became even more stressful. I will tell you a story.....
So it was a couple days after Christmas 2018 and we were getting together with my husband's extended family before they had to return to their respective homes. In hindsight I might have seen the signs sooner but was very distracted with all the celebrating, but Lucy was very tired and wouldn't eat or play with her cousins. I chalked it up to celebration and Christmas break exhaustion or the start of a winter cold or flu. She spent most of the time at the table with her head in her arms. Poor little girl! Her body was slowly breaking apart her muscles and fat so that it could use the sugar or glucose just overflowing in her body. Previously I had noticed she was using the bathroom slightly more frequently and later on she told me she had used the bathroom 10 times at school one day!!!! If I had known that I would have rushed her to the hospital but it was hard to tell how often she was using the bathroom at home and she didn't seem to be extra thirsty, but she would proudly proclaim, "I am drinking lots of water to be healthy!" And I would say, "Great job, sweetie!"
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| Lucy is the one in the Santa outfit. Christmas Day 2018 |
But suddenly she took a very bad turn with something that couldn't be ignored. She started to dramatically lose weight. She spent all of Christmas break barely moving. I tried to encourage her to eat. She also had very dramatic mood swings and would constantly yell, "I AM NOT YELLING!" New Years Eve was super tough. She spent the entire night on the couch and slept. I said, "Maybe she is having a growth spurt." As a mother, as a parent- you just don't want it to be true. It is just so heartbreaking to remember these things but I will not let it beat me over the head for the rest of my life. I might feel guilt from time to time but it will not consume me.
Well I took her to take a shower the next day and she looked skeletal and I weighed her- only 38 pounds! This is when I was 90% sure I knew she had Type 1 Diabetes. We have a family we know whose daughter was diagnosed about 5 years ago. I remember her mom saying right before she was taken to the hospital she looked like a starving refuge child. Also if you have read The Baby-sitter's Club as much as I have you would know that the character Stacey McGill has Type 1 Diabetes. I also know a few friends who have T1D (short hand I have had to learn too). I actually gave a shot to a friend I knew in college- little did I know I would have to take that knowledge to a new level.
In an attempt to make the diagnoses a little easier I was all ready to set up an appointment with the doctor so we could be "ready" for this big change in this little girl's life. She is only 7 years old- "God, why her?" If you search online for information about T1D it labels it as common, but that will obviously not make it any easier. But Lucy took an even sharper turn by going into DKA which is short of Diabetic Ketoacidosis. At the time I was watching her through the night and she was extremely restless and threw up twice. And then the nightmare began- she started having extremely irregular breathing also known as Kussmaul breathing. I looked it up and the internet said- Life threatening, requires hospitalization. So at this point it was around 2am on Friday, January 4th and I told my husband, "I have to take her to the hospital. Her breathing is very bad." I packed her up and her favorite blankets. She was really out of it. I carried our little girl who, at this point was feather light at only 37 pounds, into the emergency room at Santiam Hospital. We were taken very good care of. As soon as we were in we had nurses and doctors and they listened to me when I said, "Check her blood sugar. I think she has diabetes." They checked almost immediately and she was at 435- normal blood sugar levels are between 80-150. I remember fighting back the tears and the EMT say, "You are just too sweet. We will take care of you." He said it in the absolutely kindest way possible. To add insult to injury Lucy was also suffering from what we could only assume was a yeast infection around her private area which she did NOT want any boy doctor's to see. But she didn't fight but I could see a slightly elevated fear in her eyes even through the exhaustion. Next Lucy got to experience a "pee bag" or rather a catheter, which she says she remembers because, "I got to pee and it went into a bag in front of everyone!" We were told an ambulance was taking us to Randall Children's Hospital. So now we can add ambulance ride to our bucket list. They let me rest in the front seat while they kept her stable.
Lucy was taken to the ICU. She was hooked up with IV and life saving insulin. The rest is mostly a blur. I had to get some sleep or I would not be able to retain the information I would need to have to keep her healthy in the upcoming week and for the rest of her life. Since I am one of the last people on earth who didn't have a cellphone (I feel it is pretty much a necessity so I have one) it took awhile to get a hold of my husband. He was able to visit and drop off my laptop so I could keep people updated and use messenger. This was my first update on Facebook-
"Well this wasn't what anyone had in mind for Friday or the beginning of a
new year, but here we are...trusting God and holding on tight. I took
Lucy to the ER early this morning- dehydrated, weight loss, weakness,
and high blood sugar. She has been officially diagnosed with diabetes.
She is resting now and on her way to recovery, but I know we could use
your prayers. Thank you! This will be a big adjustment for us. I will
try to keep you updated as things progress, but for now I think we both
just need some sleep."-Larissa Langsather, Jan. 4th, 2019
Some time around 7pm she started perking up and talking in complete sentences. Her little body had been through so much while we had many nurses and help with the bed pan. She wasn't going to be able to eat for a little while longer. We watched Moana and went back to sleep. The next morning was Saturday and this was my first update for that day-
"Update on Lucy: Woke up to more pokes and blood draws, she is speaking
much more clearly but also clearly wants to go home. Her infection
hurts and it still hurts a little to go potty, but she is a trooper. I
asked her if she slept- she said "As much as I could- they keep waking
me up." Nurse also gave her a big stuffy unicorn and she said that the
first thing she wants to do when she gets home is introduce her to all
her other stuffies! awww! She also said Ariana will go 😯when she sees it." -Larissa Langsather, Jan. 5th, 2019
Now it was Saturday morning and shortly before we got the information that she was stable and strong enough to be moved out of ICU dad, sisters and grandma came visiting. I was able to take a shower which was a huge blessing. Also she was able to eat a proper meal- scrambled eggs and cereal. We were moved sometime around 10 or 11 and it had felt like we were in ICU for forever when it had only been a day.
I remember the Diabetes Educator coming with us from ICU and into a regular hospital. And then TONS of information on how to take care of someone with Type 1 Diabetes. This is the world of finger pokes, blood sugar numbers, counting carbs, insulin injections, and needles. Lucy has been a tough one- not just in personality but determination to get her way. This is scary for anyone and any parent, but the mental strain and all the feelings that come with having to explain why you will never quite be "normal" any more was almost more than I could bare. I am so thankful that two girls who also have T1D came to visit. It was so encouraging to see others surviving and thriving with this. Yes, I know things could be "worse" and I know she doesn't have cancer- but that doesn't take devalue our feelings- Type 1 Diabetes sucks but we are going to deal with it. Ariana said to me before she left visiting her sister, "But I don't want Lucy to have Diabetes!" Nobody wants this NOBODY! Lucy, I tell you this often and I will tell you again so you KNOW- if it were possible I would take every SINGLE POKE AND NEEDLE for you if I could. I had one more update that night before we went to sleep-
"Last update for today: In case you haven't been seeing my updates our
youngest daughter, Lucy, who is seven years old has just been diagnosed
with type 1 diabetes. We got moved out of ICU and she has been able to
eat some breakfast and lunch. We appreciate all the visitors, prayers,
and gifts! Thank you for so much support! Mom, Dad, and Grandma Cheri
went through some diabetes education and a tiny bit of practice. She
took a great nap and is now feeling much better and looking through her
Hidden pictures book waiting to figure out dinner. We have a couple
more things to balance out but it looks like we will be able to go home
some time tomorrow as things progress." -Larissa Langsather, Jan. 5th, 2019
Later that night, though, while updating and scrolling through Facebook I noticed an old college friend of mine was keeping everyone updated on her son's stay at the hospital after he had heart surgery. The pictures of his room looked very familiar. I told her we were also at the hospital and we found out we were only 1 door away from each other! It was weirdly awesome and encouraging that we were going through totally different recoveries but we were there together. It was one of those God things!
On Sunday morning Lucy discovered that she could watch her favorite show Jessie and was feeling and looking so much better. We knew we were going to be able to go home soon after we had a check from the doctor and they knew we had a basic handle on dosage and giving shots. I didn't update that day because I was exhausted in almost every way possible. I was wondering if we would ever really have a good night sleep again. How much would I worry? When would this start feeling "normal"? It was also a Sunday so my basic worry was did we have enough supplies till I could make sure the pharmacy had our information. It was going to be a struggle from the start as Lucy's body was craving sugar and we had to be firm in how we would handle this. Yes, she can still eat cake and ice cream we just have to give her insulin so she can use the sugar properly. She threw up not long after returning home and then we were still checking ketones which is like a whole other level of knowledge but basically you pee on a strip and it changes colors. It tells you if your Ketones are high therefore needing even more insulin. Anyway, it is knowledge that I hope you, my reader, never need to know, but then again you never know if you will need to know! I wasn't expecting this story to be quite so long. I only really wanted to share finishing a challenge with some pictures and reflections but then it turned into a cathartic story of a mother and daughter and now a family who are dealing with all the highs and lows of Type 1 Diabetes. God only knows why and I believe in His promises of renewed strength, we will not fear, and that He will never leave us.
My last official Facebook Update was a little sad but held a glimmer of hope-
"Today is our first full day with Lucy home and figuring out this new
routine. The last two nights have been rough. At the hospital right
before we were trying to get some sleep she asked, "When is everyone
stop giving me needles and pokes?" And it broke my heart but I told her
the truth and we cried and prayed and cuddled and slept as best we
could. Last night there was a lot of frustration and anger because she
couldn't have all her regular soda (which she knows we don't
even usually have but I think she has been expecting some treats after
getting out of the hospital) and even though I feel exhausted almost
every time I close my eyes the waves of overwhelming things hit me or
someone needed me for something. So basically I am tired, but have a
million things to do. On the plus side Lucy is mostly in good spirits
especially after all the art supplies from friends- thank you for the
gifts and visits especially from the Cranstons and Talitha Heffner. Sorry this is so long but I thought people might want to know how we are doing." -Larissa Langsather, Jan. 7th, 2019
Why her? Why now? We don't know, but advanced in T1D research are continuing and we will continue the fight. The fight to balance those blood sugars even on the days we think we are doing it all right. Lucy will not just be the "diabetic". Sure, it is cliche but it is the truth. She will be and is so much more than Type 1 Diabetes. She is creative. She loves drawing and writing and books. She loves swimming and building and celebrating. Every year we will celebrate on January 4th that we made through a year of T1D and we will go to Dairy Queen and eat our ice cream. We are only 6 months in. She started testing her blood sugar on her own pretty much as soon as she was home which was a pleasant surprise. It absolutely hasn't been smooth sailing. We cry. We fight. We get very frustrated. But when she reminds ME of what needs to happen then I have confidence for the future and I know we've GOT THIS!
Life is never boring! So if you were looking for my breakfast challenge that will be in another post...I am going to sheepishly hide the corner after I kinda Rick Rolled your or rather I had a lot more to share about Lucy's Story than I thought. I only finished a silly little breakfast challenge while my daughter lives with the challenge of T1D every single day and that needed to be shared.
Yours Truly,
Larissa Langsather
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