Cleaning Up and Moving Into Reality

I am cleaning up all my buttons.  This happens every few years or so when I realize I am not the person I wish I was and never actually will be.  I am not trying to be cryptic so I will just tell you what is going on.  My buttons were almost all to blogs that had something to do with homeschooling or quiverfully minded women or serious homemaking.  These are all things I wish I were.  I wish I could home school.  I wish I could have 12+ kids.  I wish I could devote myself to homemaking or at least take it a little more seriously.  I don't and can't.  My oldest is in public school because my husband said that is what he wants so I respect that.  We won't be having more children unless God miraculously takes out my IUD.  Again this is a respect thing and probably what most people would call practical.  I do not currently have a job outside the home so in all respects I AM a homemaker but I don't really do a very thorough job of it.  Part of me is so scared because I am NOT the things I wish and never really will be so I don't know what the future is suppose to be so why try so hard at a job I will have to give up.  I have a degree in English Humanities so I do not see a real job in that field unless I want to be a teacher.  I am not good at being serious enough to be a teacher.  The only thing I feel I have even been remotely good at is being a mom.  But reality dictates I will need a job when all my children are in school.  So here I am.  Trying to be realistic, trying to do my part, hoping I can find out what I am suppose to do.  I have time because my youngest is still only a year old, but I decided I better start now with this whole reality check before I become so engrossed in a world I am not a part of and continue to let jealousy take root in my heart.  So that chapter is closed and a new one is starting.

I Peter 5:7- Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 

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Prayer- the struggle and the wrestling

This is the last week for the study of Colossians with Good Morning Girls.  I have been so completely blessed and truly in the Word without feeling guilty for missing any days (I was really sick with a stomach bug on Sunday night and getting through this week was more focused on recovery) .  This was the BIBLE.  It was raw and real.  It wasn't a study with an extra book or one single person telling me how to read or what to believe in the Bible.  It let God do the talking and instructing.  It let the Spirit do the convicting.  It was with women who were not afraid to let the Scriptures BE life not just a compartment of their lives.  So super excited for the Advent study!!!!! 

I am not going to post my Bible study today because I wanted to also share about prayer.  I am involved with moms at church who are dedicated to praying for their children.  We meet on Tuesday mornings.  I love praying Scriptures for my children.  It is a struggle.  It is a wrestle.  Just like in Colossians where it says Epaphrus was "struggling on your (the Colossians) behalf in his prayers".  It reminded me of Jacob wrestling with the Angel and asking to be blessed.  It gives me a whole different outlook on prayer.  It even confuses me a little. 

My pastor's wife recommended having a notebook for our sheets of paper where we record our prayers.  I hope to start that soon.  Nearly every time I am with the group my baby is in my arms.  In this case, I would agree with my husband that a third arm would be very convenient because I hardly ever write anything.  My prayers are what God wants not necessarily written down., but I dearly love to see answered prayers and writing them down would help. 

This study has been amazing and I am so excited to see God working in the next one. 

Colossians Bible Study

Scripture-

Colossians 3:17- And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the LORD Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Observation-

Words are what we say.  Deeds are what we do.  EVERYTHING  Paul is continually telling the Colossians to be thankful.  I wonder why.  Maybe they had been ungrateful.  Maybe they needed constant reminders.  Maybe they complained a lot.  I am not sure we know, but I never realized this theme so clearly before.  

 Application-

I need to be thankful for the little things and the big things.  In word or deed and everything I do should be done in the name of Jesus.  I don't know if it is more complicated than that.  I guess I am not very good at stretching out my Bible study sometimes.  I know that I, personally, have a baby crying to get up and I sometimes want to leave her crying for a just a few minutes to get my study done.  I am thankful that I have a baby even if she is fussing.  I am thankful for dirty kitchen because that means we are well fed.  I am thankful that I am sitting on a couch practically covered in baby dolls because that means I have daughters displaying a nurturing spirit either that or they wanted to creep me out for Halloween a little early at 5:30am- but still I am thankful.  I will speak with love.  I will work hard in the name of Christ.

Prayer-

 Dear God,  Help me do and say the right things in your name.  I want to thank you for my family- the husband who loves to watch TV, play video games sometimes in excess, but willingly and courageously provides for us, my girls who fight and complain but are learning your Word, and for cute babies who are not always so cute at 2am.  Help me serve them.  Help me serve them by doing EVERYTHING in your name, Jesus.

Amen

Time to Clean

Guess who is coming to visit today?  My mother-in-law.  And guess whose house is an absolute mess?  Mine.  Yup, I feel great...that is sarcasm because you can't see me or hear me.  I am really trying to be that spiritually mature and faithful housewife but I almost really lost it yesterday.  I am just telling the truth and sometimes the day is just survival. 

Yesterday every time I picked up the baby to nurse her I practically fell asleep.  It has something to do with a hormone rush of oxytocin, which relaxes ones body but I felt like zombie.  I didn't even cook dinner- we got a pizza.  I have been overwhelmed and discouraged in general because I am solely responsible for the house.  My little ones need complete supervision for almost all chores.  I could really use some prayer because I am starting to dislike Sundays which sounds so AWFUL and IS awful. 

Dear LORD,
Please help me!  I am tired and discouraged.  I praise your name and want to do what is right.  I want to be responsible.  Help me be the wife and mother You have called me to be. 
In Your precious holy name,
AMEN

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Good Morning Girls Bible Study Colossians

Scripture-

Colossians 2:8

Don't let anyone capture you [Colossians] with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

Observations-

Someone must have been spreading around empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense.  Paul's warning had to have come from somewhere or for some reason.  Spiritual powers are real and were strong at this time.

Application-

I don't want to be captured by empty philosophies and worldly high-sounding nonsense.  How do I recognize it for what it is?

If I stay rooted in Christ like the verse before talk about then I will be strong in my faith.  It keeps going back to tree analogy for me.  I drew a picture of it in my notebook so I can't recreate it and I haven't got a scanner to load the picture but I keep seeing the soil which is TRUTH=CHRIST.  The roots are HOPE.  The strong trunk is FAITH.  The fruit from our lives is JOY, PEACE, AND THANKFULNESS.

Prayer-

Dear LORD, Help me stay rooted in your truth, in You.  I don't want to be swayed by high-sounding nonsense and empty philosophies.  Teach me.  Keep me strong.

Amen

I did this Bible study on 10/9/2012.  I also watched Call the Midwife.  I am currently reading Created to be His Help Meet and The Mockingjay.  Sadly, I burnt a pot of beans!  It made the smoke alarm go off.  I am starting to get tired of trying to save money by eating beans.  This is my third attempt- first I didn't let them soak long enough and they were gross and hard, second time I soaked them too long and they sprouted and smelled awful, and this time I burnt them.  I am so very thankful that we have food, though.  I can find many things to be thankful for this week that it will be OVERFLOWING.