Cleaning Up and Moving Into Reality

I am cleaning up all my buttons.  This happens every few years or so when I realize I am not the person I wish I was and never actually will be.  I am not trying to be cryptic so I will just tell you what is going on.  My buttons were almost all to blogs that had something to do with homeschooling or quiverfully minded women or serious homemaking.  These are all things I wish I were.  I wish I could home school.  I wish I could have 12+ kids.  I wish I could devote myself to homemaking or at least take it a little more seriously.  I don't and can't.  My oldest is in public school because my husband said that is what he wants so I respect that.  We won't be having more children unless God miraculously takes out my IUD.  Again this is a respect thing and probably what most people would call practical.  I do not currently have a job outside the home so in all respects I AM a homemaker but I don't really do a very thorough job of it.  Part of me is so scared because I am NOT the things I wish and never really will be so I don't know what the future is suppose to be so why try so hard at a job I will have to give up.  I have a degree in English Humanities so I do not see a real job in that field unless I want to be a teacher.  I am not good at being serious enough to be a teacher.  The only thing I feel I have even been remotely good at is being a mom.  But reality dictates I will need a job when all my children are in school.  So here I am.  Trying to be realistic, trying to do my part, hoping I can find out what I am suppose to do.  I have time because my youngest is still only a year old, but I decided I better start now with this whole reality check before I become so engrossed in a world I am not a part of and continue to let jealousy take root in my heart.  So that chapter is closed and a new one is starting.

I Peter 5:7- Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.