Check-In, Community, and Quiet Time

 "No matter how much time you spend fasting, if you do no good to others, you do nothing great." -St. John Chrysostom

Only one more week till Holy Week and two weeks till Easter!  I am looking forward to not eating as much rice and beans to be honest.  But I think and hope that overall my girls will understand the significance of this time and understand the world is bigger than our safe little bubble.  We didn't do as many of the devotions that I wanted to but life continues on.  I have been trying to be more of a homemaker this month as I have all my checklists ready.  I have barely read at all this last month, but part of me knows I am making it an idol and that I use it for escapism.  I am trying to draw closer to God.  I want to be a good example and use my time wisely.  I also feel very guilty for not going out to get a job.  That is always in my prayers and in the back of my mind.  

"There's a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter.  Heck, someone made an account for my mustache." -Ted Lasso

One of the great things that has come out of Lent 2022 is that I think I am finally letting go of my dependence on social media.  I took an unannounced break on Facebook this year and I think I might make it permanent.  I get so jealous, angry, and anxious when I doom scroll.  It is just bad for me.  I am done comparing my life to others.  It causes me a lot of heartache and it causes me to sin.  I don't like me on Facebook.  The only main thing is that I really want to keep in touch with my family and my reading groups so I feel torn.  Here is yet another thing to lift up in prayer.  

I took the above picture for the prompt community.  It is some of our Youth Group on Wednesday nights that I help feed and hopefully have a little fun and fellowship with each other.  

 

"My longing for truth was a single prayer." -Edith Stein

 

With all of our financial, church, and personal struggles, I have to keep praying "Jesus, I trust you."  And sometimes that is all I have in me. 

Mary, a Puzzle, and Almsgiving

 "If you ever feel distressed during your day, call upon our Lady, just say this simple prayer: 'Mary, mother of Jesus, please be a mother to me now.'  I must admit, this prayer has never failed me."        -St. Teresa of Calcutta

Spring break is over.  Girls are back in school.  I am only a little behind in my writing.  All in all it is a beautiful Lenten season as we reach week 4- more than half way over!  I did a small personal devotion to Mother Mary while eating blueberry waffles and drinking blueberry tea.  I saw this statue of Mary in a neighbor's yard on my walk a few days ago.  It really is inspiring me to create a Marian garden but it is a little scary to want to put a statue in such close proximity to a Baptist church but it is still an idea and a prayer.  It may never go beyond that.  

 

 "Enough is as good as a feast." -Sir Thomas Malory

To take my mind off the current troubles and to fulfill the prompt for the day taking out a puzzle was so refreshingly simple and gave Lucy something to do with me.  It is a 1000 pieces so it is not so easy and I have loose goal of trying to finish it by Easter but at the rate I am going it might be done by Pentecost.

 "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." -Yoda

I live in a world of too much irony right now.  Many of the prompts and challenges this week were about giving money to your parish or charity and I checked our account this week.  It has less than $40 in the checking.  Usually we have a our tax return done by now so that really hurt when Amazon Prime took their yearly dues plus gas prices are almost $5 a gallon.  I have to keep looking at this as just another opportunity to trust God more and more.  It still hurts when I hear about everyone else's vacations or even something as innocuous seeming as raising prices for "Women's Ministry" events.  I cling to Jesus ever more tightly.  But praise be to God, we do have money for food and our house is a safe, warm place.  There is always something to be grateful for. 

Transition, Prayer Journaling, and Walking Outside

 "Mercy is most empowering, liberating, and transformative when it is directed at the undeserving.  The people who haven't earned it, who haven't even sought it, are the most meaningful recipients of our compassion." -Bryan Stevenson, Activist 

As I hit about the half way point of Lent things usually start loosening up and I start feeling a wee bit guilty.  I tend to think more about "when will this be over" or I start "forgetting" all the intentions and fasting and giving I wanted to do.  It starts becoming too unrealistic and I get discouraged because I have little to no support or encouragement.  It is a definitely a time of transition.  I also reflect on the word transition because you can see the seasons changing and my girls are growing up.  Two of my girls went to The Enchanted Forest with me.  It is more of a place for younger kids.  My kids are 14 and 10, but I had some gift cards to use up and I didn't want to just stay home during Spring Break.  When your children are young and so dependent on you frustration come and you just want them to grow-up.  And when they do grow-up you start getting wistful for the days when they did need you.  I don't feel that way very often, but the feelings can sneak up on me at times.  I wonder how Jesus felt when he was tempted for forty days and hit the half way point.  Did he know it was the half way point?  How did the angels minister to him?  These are just some rambling thoughts and feelings, but I hope I can renew my commitments and finish Lent 2022 strong.  

"Success isn't about the end result, it's about what you learn along the way." -Vera Wang

I haven't had a prayer journal in a long time, but instead I have been copying down prayers.  This one is The Penitential Prayer of Saint Augustine.  I wanted this notebook to be more communal and less personal.  My girls have written some prayers from our Rice and Beans Devotional.  I hope this is something useful and makes memories.  

"Anything you can't control is teaching you how to let go." -Jackson Kiddard, Philosopher

One thing I have learned to "let go of" is when the weather will be nice especially around spring where it teases you one day with a clear sky and sunshine and the next is windy, wet, and cloudy.  We have had three fairly nice days this week.  It isn't very warm but it is in the low to mid 60s by noon which is a perfect time for a walk.  The picture of me is on one of my walks.  I still haven't started my 5k training yet but it is nice to stretch and strength my legs before the hard stuff begins.  I look forward to more discipline in my life- continue praying!  

Rice Bowl plus Spring Break Fun

 "Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night." -George Herbert, Poet

Spring Break has officially started and it is nice to get some sleep!  So far this Lent I have mostly stuck to eating rice and beans for dinner with a few exceptions.  I miss my morning coffee but at least on Sundays I can partake.  I did go back to listening to music in the car this week because the car was making me very nervous and the only way I could stop worrying was to put music on and pray.  But today the gas gauge seems to be back to normal- Praise to our Lord Jesus Christ!!!  Lenten devotions are on a little pause but I still try to vote and read when I can.  For Lent Madness I voted for Emma of Hawaii because I use to live there and that seemed like an obvious choice.  I had never heard of her before. 

Yesterday, Hermione and Lucy and I went to the capitol building and had a tour.  We walked around and took pictures with the cherry blossoms.  We had lunch at A&W.  I think I finally have the hang of Spring Break!  Spring break in Oregon is so rainy and cold and use to make me really depressed.  But I was determined to make this one fun with as many gift cards as we could and using the Spring Break Passport.  You can get stamps at fun places in Salem like the capitol building and some museums.  Ariana would rather play video games all day and I don't want to take any complainers so she can stay home with dad.  Here are some pictures from yesterday:

 

Happy Spring Break!🌸

Rest and the First Day of Spring

 "The important thing is to do charity, not to talk about charity.  We must understand the work with very poor people as God's chosen mission." -Sister Irma Dulce

Thank God for Spring Break- we have already had much needed rest although I haven't done much cleaning.  I also went for a beautiful spring walk and was greeted by rain as well as sunshine and all manners of daffodils and grape hyacinth.  It has me longing for the colors of my own garden knowing that that may be months down the road provided we have the funds.  I will start praying for that right now.  

 "Fasting is identifying with Christ in his suffering." -Asheritah Ciuciu, author

 

This Sunday was the first day of spring and I celebrated by planning our spring break week.  As always being conscience of budget constraints I went through all of our gift cards and had the girls pick at random from a bucket for where we would most likely be able to eat and what we could do.  I am getting very nervous because our car is acting up a bit and I still have not been contacted as to our eligibility for food stamps.  I turned in our application nearly a week ago now and usually I hear back by then.  Here is where I continue to pray and trust God in all circumstances.  If things go as planned it should be fun and meaningful.  But even if things don't go as planned I pray for grace and understanding and that God will give me the creativity to make some memories. 

Clovers and a Fish Fry

 "Take a day to heal from the lies you've told yourself and the ones that have been told to you." -Maya Angelou

We celebrate St. Patrick's Day a little early this year because I was running out of meal ideas for the youth group.  I thought well why don't we just do corned beef and cabbage and mashed potatoes and such then we can eat the leftovers on actual St. Patrick's Day.  It turned out very well because Hermione had a band concert that night so leftovers made it much easier.  I also made a lot of cupcakes and Lucy helped decorate them.  

In my mind I feel like I didn't get that much done but I think that might be another lie I am telling myself when I feel like I am comparing myself to others.  At least taking a break from Facebook helps to keep some of the lies at bay- it helps a lot.  

"We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you, because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world." -Stations of the Cross

On Friday since there was no school I let myself sleep for as long as I could and it was glorious!  Praise God for sleep and restoration!  I spent most of Friday, here, blogging and reflecting.  I cooked our fish, vegetables, and rice & beans while listening to the Stations of the Cross.  It was a simple, good day.  

Healing, Ministry Mentor, & the Challenge

 "Simplicity of life is essential for greatness of life." -Sister Erskine Stuart

Confession Time- I have been letting my heart get too busy and believing the lies of "you will be happy if you do this or get this"....  So I bow before my Creator and Lord, to please give me contentment in the simple things.  Heal me and bring me to life.  I confess some worry and I confess that I love sleep more than most. I had trouble every day this week getting up to read  A Book of Hours, but I believe have the grace to try again and again.  I need pray to stay focused on my tasks.  

"There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature-- the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter." -Rachel Carson, Marine Biologist

 

Lent Madness Update- between Youth Group, St. Patrick's Day, anticipating Spring Break with my girls, and Hermione's band concert- I actually missed a day of voting AND didn't read a couple of the biographies, yet.  It maybe a bit of stretch but this is the picture I took of my bracket and used for Instalent Challenge for the prompt Ministry Mentor.  I am counting the Saints as my "ministry mentor(s)"  Here were a couple of the match ups this week:

Perpetua vs. Cecilia- I voted for Perpetua because she was a mom and suffered terribly in jail.  It was tough because Cecilia is the patron saint of singing, but her story didn't move me as much.  I think you can guess by now that my choice did not move on.  

Jose Hernandez vs. Constance of Memphis- This one was a bit of an upset for me.  I wrote down Jose Hernandez on my bracket to win this round but funny story- I ended up voting for Constance of Memphis just to give the girl a chance.  I feel like I should have known about the story of Constance of Memphis and I feel like more people should know about her too.  Plus I have a friend who just moved to Tennessee recently so there is that.  But guess who moved on?  Jose Hernandez!  So 4/10 called correctly, not great odds but my guy is next so he is not out of the running!!!

Origen vs. Hilda of Whitby- okay, so this one was a no-brainer for me and I have to admit that I didn't even read the biographies yet.  But I will be cheering on Origen from the beginning for the simple fact that he is one of my husbands favorites and I still remember when I was pregnant that this was one of the names he was tossing around as an option for if we had a son, which we obviously did not.  He is widely considered the father of the church and I am going to stop right here and go read the biographies in case I got that wrong and because I know literally nothing about Hilda of Whitby.....So after reading the biographies Hilda was sounds pretty awesome.  Good thing I already voted so I don't have to do what I did today.  

Felix vs. Oscar- I missed the voting time for this one!  I was busy listening to the 500th episode of the Holy Post Podcast and doing laundry and dishes while also feeling very tired that I didn't read or vote.  Hang on again while I read up on these two and then tell you who I probably would have voted for...I put Oscar in my brackets and he passed on btw.  After reading the stories of these two, I think I would have voted for Oscar because he brought Christianity to Scandinavian nations and my husband's family is from Norway.  

Juliana of Leige vs. Blaise- this was today's (Friday) match up.  I actually tossed a coin for this one because on my bracket I put down Blaise to win but I really wanted to vote for Juliana of Leige.  But ultimately I voted for Juliana because my girl loved the Eucharist and helped start the Feast of Corpus Christi through a vision.  I am usually not into the mystics but I am really into liturgical living which I think gives me more in common with Juliana of Leige than Blaise who is the patron saint of throat problems.  Maybe things would have been different if I had woken up with a sore throat this morning, but we will never know.  

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you." -Princess Diana

So far I would say this Lent has actually been pretty do able.  Do I always do what I should? No, but I give myself grace and I really need to understand that I don't think I am any good to God when I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep.  I just don't feel alive or well when I regularly get less than that.  I also haven't taken many pictures of my kids during this Lent because they are really in that old kid phase were I don't want to push them or force them to do things that don't make sense to them or cause them to reject Christ.  But the picture prompt for today was #Challenge and I couldn't think of anything that I hadn't already taken a picture of but then it occurred to me that the most challenging thing I am doing right now is being a mom and especially trying to guide and teach Lucy.  She is my daughter with Type 1 Diabetes and very artistic but she can also be moody and easily discontented.  I could have put up a picture of all my girls, but at this time in my life, Lucy, has a rough road ahead and it is all so challenging.  I have to put my trust in God so completely to get through this even knowing that this is not the end.  Saint Sophia, patron saint of daughters, pray for us!